Dad

He's afraid because he's going to be sent to New York City for Elder School and I was chatting with him on the phone about it. I said, there's nothing to worry about! You'll be completely taken care of, and your whole day will be spent at School. You don't have to worry about the big City. Some of the other guys will probably want to go explore, but you can just say, "No Thanks, I'm going to bed at 8:30."

He goes,

"Well I ain't goin' clubbing with them."

Doggie Saga

Here is one of my many dog stories. I can’t really call them fond memories……

We always have outside dogs. The biggest reason is me. I am too lazy to clean up after dogs. The hair, the pee, poop and vomit are way too much for me. And you all know how volatile I can be. I don’t like myself, so I choose not to have dogs.

So one day, I am feeling bad about it and thinking that with no kids, what is wrong with me? I can handle a dog now. So I say to Hal, when he is bringing home a new puppy, “Let’s try it in the house”. It ends up going pretty good. It is a German Wirehair, a medium sized dog with short hair. At night, when Hal is at work I let it sleep on the floor by my bed. The bedroom door is closed. Wonderful company. Hal though, gets home at 6AM and when he opens the front door, the dog begins to bark. I tell the dog to shush, but of course Hal hears the dog and is so proud he has a protective dog, he decides to test him out. So he scratches on the wall all the way down the steps. The dog starts to really bark. I am yelling, “Stop it!” Hal scratches on the door of the bedroom. The dog starts to REALLY bark, and jump around. I am yelling, “Stop it, stop it!!” Hal starts doing a low growl, and now the dog is insane. Now it is on my bed jumping and barking. I am SCREAMING, STOP IT!!! Now Hal is really excited and having SO much fun, the dog is REALLY JUMPING and REALLY BARKING. Now the dog is jumping and barking on my head and I am getting WET. It is peeing and jumping and peeing and jumping ON MY HEAD and barking, barking and I am screaming mad, and Hal will not stop.
I think I will quit the story here, you get the picture. That day the dog went back outside. No more dogs in the house….., that is until….,to be continued.

AAAAaaaaahhhhhh........

Ok, so my dad was a prankster. He thought it was funny to scare us, like when we were on the roof of the apartment buildings we managed, checking out the roof for leaks or whatever, he would hold us by the ankles over the edge of the roof. Ha Ha. What was really stupid, is we'd ask to accompany him to the roof. Apparently we were slow learners.

I guess he got this quality from his mom, maybe? My aunt, dad's sister Julie, told us a story of how she would go out to the outhouse and my dad would lie in wait and scare her in the dark. So my grandma, Julie & Dad's mom, decided to teach him a lesson. She waited outside in the dark, and when he went by, she scared the dickens out of him.

Anyway, one year the apartment complex owners decided to add a pitched roof over the flat roof of the big building - 2 1/2 stories high (the first floor was half-buried). Dad made Pete go up on the roof to help him check the vents. Dad is on his hands and knees checking a vent, backing up, checking the next vent, etc. Pete discovered a tiny little shelf below the edge of the roof, and thought it would be really funny to get down on that, hide, and holler AAAAAaaaaaaa....... like he was falling off the roof. Dad just about died, but he deserved it.

Pete Discovers the Purpose of Butt Cracks

My brother Pete works with carpet and tile, and so he has glues and adhesives in 5 gallon buckets. One day he was sitting on one of them and didn't realize that the lid had a tiny hole in it. I think he was cleaning shrimp or something. Anyway, later on at home, he was taking a shower and dropped the soap. When he tried to bend over and pick it up, he realized he had glued his "cheeks" together. Apparently butt cracks are necessary for bending and squatting.That story alone is hilarious to our family.

What's funnier to my daughter, Hanna, is the image of Pete's wife Tanya squatting behind him with the bottle of finger nail polish remover and trying to peel his cheeks back apart.

Not the Favorite

(by Kady)

So one day Kasey is accusing my mom that I am the favorite daughter. Here is their conversation. And I'm totally in the same room:Kasey: "Kady is your favorite. You always side with her in every fight. Just admit it. Admit it. Admit Kady is your favorite. ADMIT IT."Mom (screaming): "KADY'S NEVER BEEN MY FAVORITE!!!!!!!"
Posted by kadyhexum at 6:22 PM

6 comments:
kasey said...
I love that you put my part in quotes, like that is EXACTLY what I said, over 5 years ago. either you have a photographic memory or you are taking some artistic liscense.
January 28, 2009 11:50 PM
kasey said...
i forgot to add, Mom: me think thou doth protest too much
January 28, 2009 11:51 PM
anna said...
hahaha, LOL this has me choking it so funny. But I don't really know why. Is it because I'm sitting home alone just finishing a bottle of wine or because I KNOW I was always my mammas favorite girl? Whatev' That is FUNNY.
January 29, 2009 8:22 PM
Kelly said...
What's really funny Anna is your mother LHAO to the fact that you think you are her favorite. Side point, I'm drinking wine now too.
January 29, 2009 9:35 PM
kadyhexum said...
I guess we're all drinking wine now aren't we?
January 29, 2009 11:38 PM
prettiest sister said...
I know Kady has never been mom's favorite, because I am her favorite, and I am not drinking a thing.

Miss America

I don't know why this is the first thing I think of "growing up hexum", but it is, so here: Growing up all the boys liked Keri, so it seemed. Not Mike Moran (Msomething?). She and I came out of our townhome, aka apartment. I believe after getting all dolled up cuz we saw him at the swing set. He was the new boy. He starts singing from the swings, "here she comes Miss America" and Keri walks taller and sassier. Mike says "not you". Which left only me. Ahhhhh. I think our love affair lastest all summer until Wendy Van Hale showed up. She had boobs.

Got this email from mom this morning...

OK, so here's the thing...Hal now has his own cell phone.

If you call him, you are at your own mercy. Three things will happen: he will either think he spent his money wisely, or he will think he did not, and it will freak him out every time the thing rings.
Be patient. He wears it on his belt...next to his knife.

P.S. Don't leave him a message yet. He can't do it and I can't teach him everything at once.

He is very confused right now and pretty techno'd out. We also got dish network and he keeps pushing all the wrong buttons. Oh, and me? I get a little irritated, but it is kind of fun.